Where'd I go? What happened?

If you'd rather not read about pregnancy you may want to skip this post.

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So I sort of dropped off the face of the planet in the run up to our Czech trip.  I was so busy with work - and that was awesome because I really didn't have time to stress over everything.  I worked and worked and worked and then one day I looked up and we were flying.

We had an absolutely incredible trip.  The kind of trip we've always dreamed of taking together.  Mr R is excited to go back!

The clinic we chose was absolutely incredible, and this was without doubt the best IVF cycle of all.  I mean there was at least one day when it was lunchtime before we realized we hadn't had an embryo update and followed up with the clinic.

For my own memory I wanted to keep our cycle stats somewhere - and I figure someone out there may find this interesting as well so here they are:

- 12 eggs retrieved
- All 12 mature
- All 12 fertilized
- 50% drop off after day 3 blamed on low sperm quality
- Transferred 2 day 5 blasts 1 expanding 5AA and 3AA
- Froze 3 day 6 blasts
- VERY faint positive on FRER on 8dp5dt

10/14/16
BETA #1 - 9dp5dt = 66, Progesterone: 8.6

37.25hrs doubling time

10/17/16
BETA #2 - 12dp5dt = 252.4, Progesterone 16.29

35.7hrs doubling time

10/19/16
BETA #3 - 14dp5dt = 641


Heart Rates

6w1d = 119bpm
8w4d = 179bpm

I had constant period-like cramping right through the TWW and after positive tests.  I was pretty spectacularly nauseous.  STARVING, but too nauseous to eat even though I found that eating quelled the nausea.

Which brings us to today... I am 11w4d and have graduated from my RE and all support medications.  No more progesterone, no more estrogen... Just me and the kid. :)  Nausea is mostly over.  Cramps are gone.  I am still pretty constantly bloated at the end of every day.  My regular stretchy pants no longer fit, but I am not big enough for maternity pants yet.  I am in that awkward middle ground too fat for regular pants, not bumpy enough for maternity pants.

I've had some mixed feelings around the DE part of this process.  Mostly just I guess delayed attachment... But as everyone has told me that goes away over time, and I can attest to that... I went for a scan on Monday and watching him/her bouncing around on that screen was possibly the most surreal thing I've ever experienced, but also it's the first time I felt that connection I've been hoping for and already I am feeling it get stronger every day. I think my problem is less to do with donor eggs, and more to do with infertility PTSD which I am now convinced is a real thing.  You don't want to get too involved, or too attached because you live with the constant fear that all of this is going to going away... you don't leave 10 years of fighting in the trenches of infertility without scars.

So that's it!  Things are going well.  We're expecting a miracle at last.  And we have 3 potential siblings on ice waiting for their turn.

What to do with this blog then?  I want to keep it up for posterity, for me to look back on one day and to maybe give hope to someone else out there who is wrestling with some of the same issues.  I don't think I will continue blogging here though, as I'd like to start something that I can share with family members all over the world who want to keep up with all things baby related.

Every story deserves a happy ending, so I will end this story here with the happiest possible ending there is.

xx