Division Report

Our two smaller eggs, ( we named them Leo and Hadrian) didn't fertilize and will be discarded this morning.  :(

Our little lion was 2-cell, grade A this morning!!  He says that is his highest grade and he has every confidence that our little lion will be 4-8cell Grade A tomorrow for transfer.

I am sad that he's coming back on his own.  But SO grateful that we have at least one to put back.

Fert Report

One fertilized.Two were not mature at retrieval, and were only ICSI'd late yesterday afternoon.  This morning they are still not fertilized.  Embryologist feels they wont make it and is focusing on the one, while not yet discarding the other two. We wait and hope.  2 Days is a long way to go with just one embryo...

I am still terrified!

Three

Three retrieved. Three mature. Three ICSI'd.

They exist now and I've never been more terrified of anything in my life.

Fertilize little eggs and come home to me.

Pull the Trigger

Final stim shot last night. Last Lupron this morning. My u/s revealed no newcomers to the follie party so we're going to retrieval with 3 follies. I'm disappointed, but you know... 3 will do. It's better than none.

Trigger is Ovidrel and I take it at 8pm. Tomorrow is a "free" day according to my calendar... Though I dunno how you can call taking the pre-retrieval enema downtime. Lol (P.S. Why has no one else mentioned a pre-retrieval enema on other blogs?)

I don't feel like this is going to be it. I am already planning IVF #2. But if nothing else, this will be a great learning experience for when we get to an out of pocket paid cycle where we can deviate from the plan determined by trial sponsors.


We're also wondering... Since this trial allows a max transfer of 2 3d embryos, what we should do if we have a third... IF we have a third. Do we freeze at 3days or push and see if it makes it to blast before freezing? Anyone have suggestions?

We Trigger on Monday

What a week it has been! As you know, we started with 12 follies.  Well after a week of stims, we are down to 3 over 10mm in size, and they upped my Gonal F dosage from 225 iu to 450 iu on Friday.  I went in this morning for a follow up and the three have increased from 11mm (the largest) went to 20mm.  The other two are now 14mm and 15 mm respectively.  I have given up hope that another friend may join us at the party.  It looks like we're going to just have these three, and I am at peace with that.

I am on another shot of 450iu Gonal F tonight, and then tomorrow morning I go in for my last blood draw and date with the dildo cam.  We will most likely trigger tomorrow night and retrieval is going to be on Wednesday transfer on Saturday. 

Mr. R has started looking at YouTube videos of the TESE procedure and he is not looking forward to this at all!  I feel bad for him, but I am excited to see that it is possible to collect and save multiple vials of sperm for future attempts. I didn't realize that was possible, but after seeing how extensive this procedure is I am glad that it's an option.

I still can't quite get my head around the thought that this is it.  I am IN an IVF cycle... This week there will exist on this planet little beings that are made of half me and half Mr. R.  They may not live long, they may not make it to birth... but for a short while they will be here on this earth with us.

I am wrestling with positivity... I want so much to believe that this is it.  I have a strong, VERY strong feeling that this is not the end for us... that this is just a step on the road. 

My forum February cycle group are dropping BFPs like it's going out of fashion.  Only one BFN.  The last two are me and one other lady.  She had her transfer today.  Then it's my turn.  What if our luck has run out?? ARGH!!

Long Overdue Update

Last I posted we were on CD1 and my lining was still too thick to start stims, so we went back on Wed, and it was perfect, 4.40mm however my Estradiol was still too high.  They wanted it under 21.0 and it had gone up from 25.4 on CD1 to 37.4 on CD3.  Argh!  Nurse T thought it was stress related and advised me to take a couple days off if I could, and relax, and to come back on Friday.  I really REALLY don't have any time to take off at work since I just started this job in December, but I did it because this is more important than anything.  Friday morning I went in... Lining still perfection and under 5mm, but Estradiol has not dropped down enough... it's 23.1.  Saturday morning I went in again... Lining = perfect, Estradiol is now slightly up again 23.7 (though they count that as unchanged since the rise was so insignificant).  They told me to come again on Monday, but I really cannot take more time off work at this point. I asked if they would consider letting me come in on Sunday, my mother would be leaving town and I would (hopefully) be calmer and less stressed.  Sunday morning... BINGO!  Finally, lining under 5mm, Estradiol 20.0, still 12 follies:  7 left, 5 right.

So I started my stims on Sunday.  The nurses there are SO behind us.  They called and were SO excited when they told me to come back and get my stims.  They know that this is our only chance. I walked in and saw the Gonal F box sitting on the chair.  So I am in the control group of this study, not the trial group testing out Afolia.  I had decided I was cool either way.  Gonal F is tried and true, but Afolia might be amazingly new and good.  Either way I would be happy, and I am.

So yes folks... I have the most photographed uterus and ovaries in all of Texas, but I am moving on to stimming.  Today is Stim day 4.  I have a little log book to track everything in.  I also received a cute water bottle and cooler for my meds.

Mr. R has started his Clomid for the TESE.  He's not experiencing any issues with it so far, but last time (while we thought the trial would start in October) he had some tingling and sensitivities with "the fellas" but so far so good.

So far zero side effects from the Gonal F, but man is the Lupron hitting me hard.  I pretty much walk around every day with a headache and last Thursday it turned into a migraine.  I don't mean "ouch my head really hurts I have a migraine," I am talking about the full-on cannot stand, whole body shaking, throwing up violently migraine.  Prior to this headaches would come and go and vary in intensity, but since Thursday I pretty much live with  a constant headache.  It's mild enough that I can ignore it most of the time, but every now and then I am forced to take a Tylenol to numb it down a little.  I had hoped that since my Lupron dose has halved it would stop, but that hasn't changed anything so far.

What's next?  Well this Friday I go in for first post-stim follie check.  And I think I go in again on Monday for a final evaluation when we decide to trigger or not.  Tentative trigger date is 2/24, Retrieval is 2/26 and Transfer is 3/1.  Mr R will have his TESE performed at the same time as my ER so we're going to be in separate rooms for that procedure, and for the ET he isn't sure he is going to be able to make it because of work... We could be in different counties while I am getting pregnant.  :(  This whole thing is SO not my childhood dream.  And even WITHIN treatment, the tiny cracks, the dream is still shattered.... *sigh* It doesn't matter as long as we have a good end result.

I belong to the TwoWeekWait forum, and in our cycle group, out of 7 of us 4 already have BFPs, 1 negative, and 2 have yet to transfer.  It looks like I'll be the last one transferring out of all of us.  Hopefully they don't use up all of our BFP luck before I can get there!  [I just realized how insane that sounds... how superstitious does all of this make us??? Meh.]

CD1

Well, wouldn't you know it... right on cue my body kicked out a cycle day one!!  I went in for my baseline testing and to check lining to see if we're ready to start the stims yet.  We aren't. :(
Lining was at 6.1mm and he needs it to be 5mm or lower.  So I will go back to check again on Wed.

As far as follies:

Left side is showing 7 with biggest being 6.1mm and the others not far behind.
Right side has 5 with biggest at 5.5mm
So a total of 12.

I had blood drawn and will find out the numbers tomorrow I guess?  Not sure how long the turnaround is on those.

I also asked about what I should be taking to work on my MTHFR since I know that this is a study, so I have limited access to the doctor overseeing the trial and no access to my own RE since he is not involved with this -- even though it's being run out of my own clinic.  I just want to make sure we don't get this far and then lose the baby because of the MTHFR so I had to make sure that base was covered.  They said that as long as I am taking Prenatals and Calcium there is nothing else I can do... I don't fully trust that.  Any other ladies dealing with MTHFR have any suggestions for me as far as supplementation?

Lupron is a Go

After yet more fumbling around the scheduled appointment time for my hysterosono, test transfer and consent meeting yesterday we finally got in and got things going.

We started with the test transfer which went pretty well -- though there was a little kerfuffle at one point with the externo-wand.  Doc had to take over from the nurse trying to find my uterus and eventually found it way over on the left next to my hip bone... Is it supposed to be there?  He didn't seem too concerned about it.  He had to go ahead and get a new catheter which wasn't fun, but all in all if that's what the transfer will feel like I am super happy.  I expected much worse.

After that we went back in (a 3rd catheter) for the hysterosono.  This one HURT.  A LOT!  He found a couple of uterine cysts which he said were very common and not at all concerning.  Everything looked clear otherwise and he deflated the balloon and THAT was when it hurt for some reason.  I cried out it was so bad, and I have a very high pain threshold.  He seemed a little annoyed and kept telling me that he was deflating the balloon and there is no reason for that to hurt, in fact it should make me feel better... but it HURT. 

While he was in there -- and because no one knew if we were supposed to get an AFC before starting the Lupron -- we went ahead and did it, just in case.  He counted 8 on Rt and 6 on Lt which he said was pretty normal, he was happy with that, and glad that I didn't overachieve and hit 20 which would preclude me from the study.

After this we signed our consent forms and did the quick training on Lupron 101 and then I had my first shot.

This morning I took my second shot at home.  Mr. R smiles wide when he gets to stick me.  It doesn't hurt at all.  I don't feel the needle and I don't feel the site burning afterwards that I was warned about.  I also haven't had any side effects at all.  But it's still early days.

I continue to spot/bleed/spot and cannot wait to be done with the BCPs on Friday.  FINGERS CROSSED that the bleeding stops altogether so that I will actually be able to tell when my period starts and I can go in for CD1 testing to check if I am down regulated.  The nurse warned us that many of the study participants have found that they have not down regulated properly by the anticipated date.  If I do not down regulate then I am out of the study, so I was nervous about this, BUT... she says that we have 21 days for this to happen and they are happy for me to take up to 21 days on the Lupron and keep going back to check until things are silent before we continue and start the study drug.  HOPE that my body continues playing nicely with the trial!