What it Takes

My mind is blown.  After years of trying and saving and desperate pleas to God I am at last standing here with a GIANT box that is filled with the makings of my future baby/ies.

THIS is what it takes for me to have a child...  I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I know this isn't my first cycle, but really, this is the first "REAL" cycle. This is the first time I got to meet the Fedex guy carrying my giant box of meds instead of hanging around the RE's office waiting for labs to determine if I get to return home with the next batch of drugs.  My last cycle was really only Lupron, Gonal F, Ovidrel and Crinone (aside from antibiotics, valium and that blasted enema). We won't order our Lupron until closer to start, so that isn't pictured here.

 

Here's what is in each pic:

Crinone x 2 boxes
Follistim Cartridges x 4

Menopur Mixing vials

Doxycycline
Prednisone
Diazepam
Estradiol
(And peeking in at top left, my needles)

 

Here we have:

Meopur vials again

Follistim pen and handy carrying case (boxed)

Syringes
Q caps

And lastly:
- Novarel
- Syringes
- Q caps again
-Alcohol wipes
- Biohazard container

Awesome... making a baby (for me) requires the use of a biohazard container.

Honestly though... This box mostly makes me so ridiculously, incredibly happy!  I didn't think I would EVER make it this far.  We were so sure that we'd never be able to do another cycle if the trial didn't work and yet by the grace of God here I stand with a box full of medication standing on the doorstep of another cycle. We are blessed!  I am grateful.

T minus 11 days till CD1 (hopefully)

Do not be anxious about anything...

I am not a religious person.  I was raised completely without religion.  I always thought of religion as a crutch.  Mr R was raised in a very religious household.  As a teen he went about handing out fliers and talking to complete strangers about Jesus.  Where religion is concerned we could not be more different.

In finding out that the trial had started we both reached out to the people we know to be "prayer warriors" and asked them to add us to their list.  My own agnostic (but formerly Catholic) mother has been attending mass every morning since the day we found out that the trial is back on.  She has been saying the rosary every spare chance she gets.

I have started praying WITH Mr. R every morning and every night figuring it can't hurt.

I stumbled into this quote on Kandie's blog yesterday and it gives me such a strong sense of peace.  My brain is running constantly with long lists of all the ways this is going to end badly.  Every step forward we take on this journey I keep waiting for someone to slap me across the face and bring me back down to earth.  I know that I need to try and remain positive, but as you all well know that's really REALLY hard to do... and then I read this, and I feel calm, and at peace and I wonder to myself if maybe, just maybe I need the "crutch" that I've always made fun of?