In the Beginning...

In the beginning I wanted a cricket team.  As many babies as I could have, I'd love and rejoice in each one. Time marched on.  Travel opportunities came up.  Backpacking in Europe for 3 years I was transient and penniless - laying over in hostels for just long enough to save enough money to move on to the next place. I LOVED EVERY MINUTE!

In 2005 while in Holland I met my husband online.  He was American, and I a South African in Europe.  We married and I moved to the States in 2006.  We dropped all birth control and figured we'd let the wind carry us where it wished.  We were happy in the beginning... but then I started to see an unfamiliar side of him... a side I didn't like very much.  By 2011, tired of hanging in there, childless, disillusioned and tired of trying to make it work I called it quits.

Like some miracle it wasn't long before my true prince walked into my life.  My one love.  My other half.  The person I honestly believe I was brought to this country to meet... for the purposes of this blog we'll call him Mr. R.

These days Mr. R and I live a peaceful, simple, happy life just outside of a quiet, quaint country village on the Texas Gulf Coast with our Dog - Freija, cats Brutus, Diesel and Chloe and a tank full of fish.  What's that?  Ahh yes, Freija Chloe?  That's not my name... I WISH I could be more open about that on this blog, but we work in law enforcement and there are limits to what I am willing to put out there online.  Just call me R...

Where was I? Oh yes... so Mr. R and I (R) are happier than we have ever been down here on the coast.  We live simply, but lack for nothing of real importance.  We have love, we have family, we have great weather and access to quiet beaches. ;) What more could we possibly want?

I never did forget my dream of that cricket team.  The dream has morphed and modified over the years as I grew older.  Mr. R has two children from previous relationships.  A DD - K, 17 and a DS - J, 15.  Neither live with us and we have very little contact with J after an ugly divorce.  This bridge will mend in time.  Initially I was so excited at the thought of being a step mother.... well no, that's not entirely true... I was scared witless because of the awful one I had... but I was determined to be the kind of stepmother I'd always hear about from my friends.  Cool, fun, loving, and really really good to their father.  I am sad that I only came into their lives so late, and in one case after a bitter divorce and the poison tongue of one parent had driven a deep wedge into the relationship between Mr. R and his son.

I still longed for just one of my own.  JUST ONE! I'd give anything for just one healthy baby.

Mr. R, already unhappy in his marriage at the birth of J had a vasectomy to ensure that there would be no more.  He stuck it out and tried to make things work for the sake of his son.  He put in 14 years trying before he gave up and left.

"No problem," I thought, "we'll just get the doctor to reverse the vasectomy and give it a bash."  There had been obvious signs that there might be something wrong with me, but my marriage had been almost celibate and my ex husband smoked a LOT of pot which I believed caused him to have slow swimmers.  The problem definitely wasn't mine. "So let's get the thing reversed and get to trying!"

December, 2012

"Um, so that's not actually possible with so much time elapsed," informed my stone faced RE at our first meeting.  "15 year old vasectomys are pretty much a done deal.  Your only option is IVF."  My heart sunk...  "But your odds are pretty good - in the 60% range!  You're only 34, it's not bad!  Let's do a few standard blood tests to make sure you're all good and genetically a good match and we'll get that train moving."

60%?  AWESOME!